New Year, New You? Part 2
In the follow up to the first part of this blog, I’ve looked at a few things to consider when going about planning and achieving action plans..
Think SMART
Many of you will be familiar with Specific, Measurable, Accurate, Realistic and Time-sensitive planning.
It should be relatively self-explanatory, but if your goal is to cut down on booze, you’ll need to know how much you’re drinking at the moment (there are apps for everything nowadays!), what your weekly Units target is going to be, and in what timescale you expect to be able to achieve that shift.
Goals set using such science are far more likely to succeed, from experience
Visual Reminders
Again, there are apps for virtually every goal that you might be able to imagine, and I have seen great successes where people have used these apps. Great failures, too!
Wall charts (e.g. of exercises done) or calendars are a more Luddite approach, but can be equally as effective. These records/prompts should be placed somewhere where they are in view regularly. Fridges are good!
But if apps or wall charts aren’t your thing, how about always having a set of running gear in plain sight, or your swimming costume packed and ready to go, by the front door.
Or, for those motivated by money, how about a big jar where you put a tenner each day that you achieve your goal, whether it be running, or not drinking?
Please remember that visual reminders can work both ways. A fridge full of beer may prompt you to remember how much you want a beer!
Celebrate!
The worst thing about some of these goals is that you’re cutting out or replacing things that you enjoy. When you first start to give them up, you may well think that they were the only thing that you actually enjoyed!
As part of your planning, think about what milestones you may reach, and how you might celebrate them. I’d recommend that you don’t pencil in a three-day bender to mark a week off the wine!
Seriously, though, it’s about finding other things that will create the dopamine reward lacking since you gave up your favourite vice.
Again, let’s be realistic - your chosen method of celebration will not, at first, give you anywhere near the same amount of pleasure that you are trying to convince yourself that a packet of cigarettes or a bottle of vodka would. But keep rolling that marble…
Replacement
So, how are we going to fill that time that we were quite happily spending on the couch drinking?
I’m afraid that I don’t have the answers for you. If I did, I’d have sold the rights and retired by now! But I do believe that you can find the answers for yourself, particularly if you discuss alternatives with other people.
From experience, though, it should be something healthy, and it should require the use of your hands and brain.
So deep does the relationship between your bad habit and dopamine production become, that the actions required to smoke or drink can become almost as addictive as the substance itself. Keeping your hands and minds busy will greatly help you distract yourself from thinking about your old habit.
Rolling up scraps of paper and dragging on them longingly, probably isn’t going to be a good choice!
It might be an idea to come up with more than one replacement activity. Variety is the spice of life.
Conversely, what are we going to drop out of our lives in order to fit in an hour’s walk a day?
If drinking and smoking or any other bad habits don’t account for a large portion of your day, I assume that your day is already very busy with work, children and other vital activities, or activities that you absolutely don’t want to drop.
This is where realism must come in - have you really got an hour to spend walking every day, or is just another chore that will increase pressure on you?
The latter sounds a bit of a cop out. Whilst you may be busy every day, you have decided to set a new goal, and that suggests that not everything that fills your day is bringing you pleasure.
A good starting point may be to record your activities for a week or so, and mark each activity out of ten for the pleasure that it brought you.
If you come to end of the week and find that you have spent 10 hours doing something that gives you no pleasure whatsoever (parents will know what I’m talking about!!), then could that activity do reduced slightly, or delegated for a sufficient amount of time?
If a non-harmful activity is giving you 10/10 pleasure, please don’t replace that!!
Don’t Overthink
I wish I’d put a tenner in the money jar for every hour I’d spent thinking about putting a new action into place before actually acting!
If running is your goal, for example, don’t sit there thinking about it. You will be giving voice to your old neural pathway, and we’ve already established that it’s very good at winning arguments.
Just get up and go for it.
Likewise, if you’re sitting down wishing you had a cigarette, get up, and get on with one of your chosen replacement activities.
Own It
Again, this is your goal, your plan, your journey.
Many people, though, find that entering into a course of self -improvement with another person can be mutually beneficial, and I have heard great success stories from this teamwork, or maybe problem-shared, methodology.
Personally, I prefer the solo method, mainly because the internal battles can be won more easily than when one’s training partner’s cat has mysteriously fallen ill on the first rainy day of the year, and poor old Tibbles needs 24-hour intensive care.
If you miss one day, or even one week, that doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. You can’t fail a two month plan in one day. Get back on your horse and go again. Re-roll that marble.
Visualise what success will look and feel like. What you’re going to spend that money jar on, how you’re going to celebrate your next landmark.
Mantras
Some may see this subject as merely the appropriation of the rites of ancient and modern Indian religions, for example, and that there can’t be any scientific proof behind it.
Indeed, although mantras are not exclusively used in Indian religions, Google tells me that the word mantra is derived from Sanskrit, and effectively means “mind tool”. I have found no direct references to Uri Geller during my research.
I, and many people I have talked to on a professional and social basis, say that they have fond mantras useful. Whether this is a placebo effect, or the vulnerable being easily-led, or if it is indeed some ancient magic that we don’t understand is, really, irrelevant. Does it work? I have seen it have great benefits. Is anything that may have a positive impact worth a try? Well, it is certainly good to have a plan B, if nothing else.
A lot of people I have spoken to use mantras first thing in the morning, to help themselves create positivity for the day. It doesn’t require a temple, or a jungle clearing, and doesn’t even necessarily need to be spoken aloud (although I strongly believe that hearing oneself say something out loud once is far more powerful than thinking it a thousand times).
As for what mantra to use, that’s entirely up to you. One I heard recently was “Be A Stubborn ****”. It’s probably a good job there were no temples involved.
For those needing inspiration, Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***” is a hilarious, and thought provoking, read!
Above All
While it would be fantastic if we achieved all of our long term goals at the first attempt, it is quite a tall order. A friend of mine gave up smoking 5 years ago. Not bad for a 35th attempt!
One thing that is very important to remember is that not drinking for even a fortnight is better than drinking for that fortnight, and that one press up per day is better than none.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that you can do too little towards your goal, so you might as well just give up.
I’d say “Good Luck!”, but luck will play no part in whether you achieve your goals or not!
Serious note: While these blogs are hopefully helpful, and the topics are often very serious, they are intended to have a light-hearted touch.
For some of you, cutting down down on booze for example may be required because you have reached a point where you think that the booze is winning. There is nothing light-hearted about that.
These blogs are not supposed to be cynical marketing tools, but if you think that you have a problem that cannot realistically be solved merely by making a resolution, please get in touch with me or another trained professional. You are much more likely to achieve your goals with help.